iridescent-nonreality

Accept Me

iridescent-nonreality:

Okay, this was completely self-indulgent.

WARNING: I’m rating this “teasing” because there is no blatant porn but there are orgasms and mentions of sex to if that makes you uncomfortable you might wanna skip it.

Also, warnings for kink shaming. Briefly and in the past.

***


Boarding School [with Sam]:

"You’re telling me WHAT turns you on?"

"Look, it’s not—"

"That’s fucking creepy, Stark. That’s something kids do, I mean, seriously, tickling? Who does that?"

"I don’t expect you to do anything, I just thought you should know, y’know, like if you ever wanted to do something different—"

"No. Just- no. You’re too young for me to be sleeping with anyway, whatever, and that is just freaky, Stark. No."

"Look, come back, just—"

***

College [with Tommy]:

"…you like what? Ugh, god, get off me, you freak."

"It’s not weird, it’s just—"

"Off. Now."

***

College [with Rochelle]:

"Okay, I have pandered to a lot of kinks but I’m not going there, honey. That shit’s freaky. That’s something kids do, c’mon. Is there something else you want? I could tie you up. You like that. C’mere."

***

At 21 [with those twins whose names he can’t remember]:

"Just ‘cause we’re sluts doesn’t mean we’re freaks, god, who likes being tickled? Especially likes it like that?"

***

He stops mentioning it. All his sexual encounters turn quick, drunk, and endgame-driven, and he accepts that he’s never going to be in a long-term relationship anyway because nobody can so much as pretend to like him for more than five minutes even to bribe him into taking an SI contract, so certainly no one’s ever going to love him.

The word ‘freak’ sticks in his memory.

***

He never mentions his little malfunction to Pepper. It’s too strange, she’s worth too much to risk driving her away.

***

When he and Pepper break up, he just drinks and drinks and refuses to think about the one time they’d slept together and her fingertips had traced lightly down his chest and across his stomach and sent a bolt of lightning up his spine and he had come so fast—

***

When the Avengers move into the tower he wonders how he got himself into this and seriously, how did he get himself into this?

(He doesn’t really mind. Especially when Steve smiles at him and his mind turns into a cross between tapioca and oatmeal.)

***

When Steve shoves him against a wall halfway through a battle and kisses him, hard and fast and so, so good, he sighs and melts and tries to crush the urge to wonder if maybe Steve shares Tony’s little kink—
But again, it’s not worth the loss if he doesn’t.

***

"Tony?"

"Yeah?"

"I was wondering if there was anything you wanted to ask me?"

"What do you mean?"

"I— you sometimes look like you’re right on the verge of asking me something but then you just close your mouth. You know that if there’s anything you need I’ll help you out, right?"

"Yeah, I- I know."

"Okay. I love you."

"Same. Steve?"

"Yes?"

"Thanks. Just for - being here, I guess. I know you don’t always like it in this century and the people usually suck and the food is weird and I’m sometimes a total asshole but I’m really glad you’re here which is probably selfish but I- MPH- oh, hi, sex? Are we doing sex now? Awesome."

***

"Tony?"

"Yeah?"

"What is it you want to ask?"

"Nothing, nothing."

***

"Tony?"

"Yeah?"

"What is it you want to ask?"

"No, Steve."

***
“Tony.”

"Hmm?"

"Tell me? Please?"

"Look, just— not now."

***
Steve eventually got fed up, of course.

Which was why Tony woke up to find himself pinned to the bed with his super-soldier’s ankles crossing over his and his wrists caught in one huge hand.

"Uh," he said.

"Hi," Steve said shortly. "You’ve been hiding something from me and it’s making you miserable. For the sake of our collective mental health, I am dragging it out of you."

Tony blinked. “Steve, come on-“

"No. You aren’t talking your way out of this."

Ears burning, Tony looked away. He needed a way out of this, fast, one that didn’t involve hurting Steve and that hopefully would discourage this conversation in the future. “It’s nothing.”

"It’s clearly not."

Tony frowned, pinching his eyes shut, but ideas wouldn’t come, the only way out he could see was through. “It’s just a- a thing I like, but it’s not anything I need, I’m just being stupid,” he mumbled, entire face burning, wanting nothing more than to be somewhere, anywhere else.

Steve looked immensely confused. “What is it?”

The genius ignored the question, looking up at the headboard as though it had suddenly gotten very interesting.

"You mean like a kink?" Steve flopped his head to one side. "Tony, I’m not surprised that you have kinks. You’ve had much more experience than me with sex, I’m sure you’ve tried everything."

"Believe me, it is weird," Tony bit out. "And I’ve never actually done it."

The soldier blinked.

"Every person I’ve told called me a freak and either walked out or kicked me out for suggesting it."

Steve’s eyes widened. “Oh, Tony,” he murmured. “You know I wouldn’t do that to you, right? I’m at least willing to consider whatever you might suggest.”

Tony thought for a moment, then shook his head, lips pursed.

Steve sighed and lay down beside him, curling one arm around his middle. “Toooooo-nyyyyyy,” he whispered. “Tell me.”

Blush returning, Tony buried his face in the pillows, but some little part of him was speaking up and rebelling, saying ‘this is Captain America, whose job is to be nice. More than that, this is Steve Rogers, whom you trust, and believe in, and yeah, okay, maybe even love.’

And with Steve’s arm resting on his side and his hand just barely brushing Tony’s stomach—

"Tickling," he blurted, and for a moment his brain turned off. ‘That was a terrible idea’ warred with ‘that was the best decision I’ve ever made’ and he just needed Steve’s reaction—

"You’re kidding," the bigger man said flatly, and the bottom dropped out of Tony’s stomach.

He braced himself for insults, accusations, rejection, the whole nine yards, and hid his face again. “Just- forget it, okay?” he said weakly. “Forget I ever said that, just don’t leave me, god, I knew I shouldn’t have—” miserable, he pushed out of Steve’s arms and slid away—

—only to be grabbed back and crushed to one enormous chest.

"You idiot," Steve laughed into his hair. "You complete idiot— do you know what I was gearing up for? I was prepared for you to ask me to tie you to a post and flog you, or dress like a woman in public, or something, and you got that freaked out because you like to be tickled?"

Tony blinked. “Well when you say it like that it sounds stupid,” he rejoined shakily. “So you’re not tossing me out on my ass?”

Steve growled at the suggestion. “Nope,” he rolled Tony onto his back and pinned him down again. “I’m going to make you forget,” he settled back and tugged Tony’s shirt up, “every single person who ever called you a freak.”

Steve leaned down, bringing their faces together. “I’m going to tickle you until you can’t talk, can’t move, can’t do anything but beg and cry my name. And as soon as I think you’ve sufficiently recovered, I’m gonna do it again. And again. Got it?”

Tony was hard, so hard, he was halfway there just from the words and he wasn’t going to last if Steve made good on his promise, oh god.

Steve stopped a moment to consider. Tony had said that he’d never done this before and pretty much any touch was going to be overwhelming.

Not that that meant he would be merciful.

"Steve, pleAHAHAHA noooohohoho!" Tony squirmed away from the fingers wriggling just under his ribcage, his eyes rolling back in ecstasy. This was perfect and torturous and oh god he wanted it to stop immediately and continue forever.

Steve switched tactics, releasing Tony’s wrists to tickle under his arms and the genius shrieked, slapping his hands uselessly against the soldier’s chest, squirming frantically against the mattress but contained by Steve’s thighs around his hips and the hands against his ribcage and he was so turned on he couldn’t breathe, couldn’t communicate this feeling, couldn’t do anything but arch against the bed and laugh—

And then Steve scribbled down his sides to his hips and with just one brush across that skin everything seemed to close in on him and then explode outward, and he was coming, hard, dimly aware that he was shouting something, screaming, maybe, laughing, certainly, an orgasms had never felt like this before and it jut kept going and going—

Then he was back on earth, panting under Steve, who looked perplexed and a little delighted. “Did you just…?”

"Yeah. Oh yeah," Tony gasped. "Gimme a sec, I’ll take care of you, just—"

"Uh, actually, I. Um." Steve blushed and turned his face away.

Tony glanced between them to see a distinct lack of boners. “What? You…just from watching?”

"I may have also rubbed against you a bit." Embarrassment lost, Steve shrugged. "You’re hot."

Tony blinked, then started laughing. “Not only— not only are you the only person I’ve met who tolerates my kink, you actually manage to get off on it. That is… You are something else, Rogers.”

"Oh," Steve smiled evilly. "I plan to do a lot more than tolerate it."

thebatwiggler

FRIENDLY REMINDER FOR US COLLEGE-BOUND STUDENTS

howtogrowthefuckup:

SO HELP ME GOD YOU LITTLE SHITS BETTER USE FAFSA.GOV TO FILL OUT YOUR FUCKING FAFSA.

IF YOU PAY $88 TO FILE YOUR FAFSA AT FAFSA.COM, I WILL SMACK THE DUMB LOOK RIGHT OFF YOUR DAMN FACES. FAFSA.COM IS NOT AFFILIATED WITH THE US DEPARTMENT OF ED. THEY ARE BAD PEOPLE WHO WILL TAKE YOUR MONEY AND CHARGE YOU TO FILL OUT A FREE FORM.  A FREE FUCKING FORM. FREE IS THE FIRST WORD IN THE ACRONYM!

.GOV IS LOVE. .COM IS A PUTRID POOL OF FUCKERY.

-THE VERY ANGRY SUDDEN ADULT

candypinkcocks
shigaretto:

sailorp00n:

rosydrops:

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shigaretto:

sailorp00n:

rosydrops:

Cleaning

Money

Health

Emergency

Food

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Job

Travel

Better You

thevoiceofwrath

wickershire:

swanjolras:

HEY HEY HEY HEYYYYYYYY MY FAVORITE QUEER DRUNK ASSHOLE POET TURNED 450 TODAY (and let me tell you, there is a lot of competition for the title “favorite queer drunk asshole poet”)

BUT as we all know, there is some controversy over who ACTUALLY wrote shakespeare’s plays!

so in order to mark this SERIOUS and LEGITIMATE issue, i have compiled the most likely theories in this comprehensive list:

  • in julius caesar, cassius says, “this is my birthday; on this very day cassius was born.” on that same day, cassius DIES. guess who else was not only born on april 23, but died april 23?? that’s right, shakespeare. english playwright? or ancient roman ghost bent on revenge? YOU BE THE JUDGE.
  • shakespeare married a woman called anne hathaway. BATMAN ALSO MARRIED ANNE HATHAWAY. have you ever seen shakespeare and batman in the same place at the same time??????
  • lived in london? totally encountered prostitutes several times? probably spoke english? william shakespeare……. or JACK THE RIPPER
  • uh, excuse me, an uneducated glovemaker’s son couldn’t possibly have written the 38 works of art attributed to shakespeare. please consider instead this picture of a cat pushing another cat in a shopping cart. you’re welcome.
  • ””“”“”“”“”“president obama????”“”“”“”“” more like PRESIDENT WILLIAMSHAKESPOBAMA. wake UP, america
  • aliens.
  • ME I’M WILLIAM SHAKESPEARE I HAVE BEEN SHAKESPEARE ALL ALONG AHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHA YOU FOOLS YOU IGNORANT FOOLS

soldierofwinter

starsandatoms:

okay though if there’s anything that struck me on rewatching the first Cap movie it’s how much Steve and Bucky are such assholes to each other and it’s amazing

and like can you just imagine recovered!Bucky and Steve going on missions together and Steve being like

"wow Buck that thing you did there was actually kind of smart, all the stupid must’ve grown out in your hair"

and Bucky being all

"you might not know this, Steve, but there’s this thing we say these days that might be really useful for you to know and it goes like this: go fuck yourself"

and all the other avengers looking at each other like we read about you in history books, you are national heroes, what even

batmangambit

realmythology:

wintersoldjer:

imagine steve and bucky going for a walk together but are stopped by a bunch of kids on a school trip, and instead of gathering around captain america, the kids crowd around bucky, because he’s “the guy with the wicked metal arm”

 (via wintersoldjer)

thevoiceofwrath

chekhovandowl:

thedeathofablog:

un-be-fucking-lievable:

prongsmydeer:

pottergenes:

james turning down every hogsmeade invitation by telling them he’s going stag

Sirius spreading a rumour that he has a cat just so when people ask him about it he can go, “Nah, I’m a dog person.”

Peter being loud so when a teacher chews him out, he can promise to be “quiet as a mouse”

Remus turning into a fucking werewolf

Sirius and James charming a pair of furry wolf’s ears onto Remus’ head and then loudly gasping and yelling “REMUS, YOU’RE A WOLF”

And Remus going

"yes, I’m a were"